today i succumb to the storm, i am numb

my receptors long scarred,

immune to the lashings,

immune to the endless echoes 

of demeaning words.

i am not hurt

not anymore.

the pain has dulled itself into silence,

and not a lesson left to carve into me.

the impoliteness,

the disregard,

the refusal to see me as a living pulse

all of it has withered into nothingness.

and so,

i question myself with every faltering step,

each doubt a thorn lodged deeper.

i know that time could never heal this and

that tomorrow carries no dawn,

only the same grey shroud.

then what am I reaching for?

what future is there to cling to?

a promise of more poison,

more venom whispered into my ears,

the same refrain of how useless I am,

how potential was never mine

as if I were born hollow.

 lying on the floor of the balcony

i close my eyes reminiscing about

the moment when you 

held my hand for the first time,

the chills, the butterflies,

you pulled me close to you,

and i stared into your intoxicating eyes,

just then, chilly air breezed through my face, 

and i opened my eyes to see the enchanting moonlit sky,

i yearn for your warm hands to caress me

with love, and tell me it will all be okay,

maybe it was a fantasy,

moonlight often does that to me.